The Desk of Phil

Where Am I? A Poem

2011-08-19T08:29:00.000-07:00

Where Am I?

Waking up in a bed of confusion,

Feeling lost in a familiar place.

Standing in the street

Paralyzed with fear.

Oh God, Where am I?

At home, but completely homeless

Not knowing what I should know.

In the right place but not belonging,

Exhausted but unable to sleep.

Oh God, Where have you brought me?

Driving on an unknown road,

Trying to remember what to do.

Looking for signs that I can read,

Hoping I end up where I need to be.

Oh God, Where are we going?

Listening for words I understand,

But hearing only silence.

Asking questions and getting no answers,

And letting go of that which is no longer mine.

Oh God, Where are you?

I have brought you to this place

Of familiar and unknown,

A place of confusion and peace,

A place where you have nothing.

My Child, You are with me.

I have taken you away from comfort,

In order to start over.

I have taken away that which you know

And the things in which you have found security.

My Child, I have brought you to a new beginning.

I have set you on a brand new path,

So that you trust in me alone for direction.

I have placed detours on this road

And new faces for you to encounter.

My Child, We are going where only I can take you.

I have brought you to a place of silence

So that you will learn to listen to only my voice.

I am speaking in whispers so that you will ignore all other sounds,

And choose to hear what I want so desperately to tell you:

My Child, I am where I have always been – Everywhere you are.

State of Confusion

2011-08-18T19:59:00.000-07:00

Have you ever woken up and for a moment or two been really confused about where you were, even though you might be in your own bed? Or have you perhaps gotten lost in a completely familiar setting? I have been back in the States for about 3 weeks now, and for the most part, have not had any major culture shocks. There have been a few little things here and there -- going into a grocery store and feeling lost even though everything is in English; or forgetting how to use the little credit card machine in the checkout line; getting used to driving again and having to remember all the rules of the road. Just a side note -- I have been reminded of a couple things in the past few weeks: 1.) Hollywood and the tv networks are almost out of original ideas, and 2.) Americans are completely obsessed with food (Just watch an hour on the food network and you will agree).

Anyway, so i haven't been too shocked by what's around me here, but today something happened that really took me by surprise (thus my opening questions). I walked outside to get the mail, and halfway there I had to stop. I was overwhelmed with this sense of "Where in the world am I?!" The answer, for a moment, was "I don't know." The simple acts of getting the mail and standing in my driveway completely threw me for a loop. I really felt like I was in a different world and I wasn't sure how to get home. Home for me has been Russia for the past 13 years, not Crestview, Florida. Everything in my normal life is no longer normal. I know that I am supposed to be here right now, but I don't feel like I belong here (if that makes any sense at all). I have been missing Moscow and HCA a lot this week, especially since school started there. I have had to remind myself that "my classroom" is no longer "mine." I am thankful for the technology of facebook to keep up with my students and friends, but it's not the same as seeing everybody again and getting lots of hugs. All of this has been a great reminder that we as Christians don't have a home here -- we are aliens and strangers in a foreign land. Our true home is heaven -- that is where our citizenship lies. I am sure that there will be more times to come of cultural confusion over the next few months. Please continue to pray for me as I work through all of this transition and the feelings of homesickness. I will be starting a substitute teacher job next week, and I am hoping that will help. Until next time...Peace, love, and kimpap!

до свидания

2011-07-21T23:53:00.000-07:00

As i sit here in the airport in Moscow, getting ready to fly out for the last time, there are many thoughts and emotions that I am dealing with. We'll see if I can get through typing this blog without losing it completely (I'll let you know at the end). 15 & 1/2 years ago, God brought me here, and I had no idea what He had in store for me. Looking back, the only word that comes to mind is "WOW!" What a journey it's been! In one sense, I am closing the book on this chapter in my life. I know I will be back to visit, but my life is getting ready to take a completely different route on this journey, and just like 15 yrs ago, I don't have any idea what is going to happen.

There are many things that I will miss about Moscow and many things that i won't miss. At one point I had started my Top 10 list of what I would and wouldn't miss, but never quite finished that. So let me tell you some of those top 10. I will miss the beauty of summer here and the beauty of winter. I will miss the snow but not the bitterly cold temperatures or the winds that literally chill you to the bones. I will miss the ease of public transportation and not having to deal with car repairs, insurance or gas; but I will not miss the throngs of people that crowd into the metros, nor the lovely smells that accompany them. I will miss the view from my kitchen window, but not the late night drunken parties or the constant flow of car alarms. I will miss a lot of Russian food -- blini, schwarma, Black bread, pelmeni, and smoked cheese. I will miss being able to walk most anywhere. In Florida it's too hot to do most anything outside, especially walk from place to place.

But most of all, I will miss the people who have changed my life. I will miss my roomates, my close family at Hinkson, and the most amazing students in the world. I will miss their hugs and their laughter. I will miss late night poker parties at my apt. I will miss the interaction that comes with being a teacher and relationships that I have built here.

All of this being said, I know that wherever God leads me next, I will carry Russia in my heart forever. I am leaving Russia with 3 suitcases, and 2 carry-ons but I am leaving pieces of my heart here.

P.S...I didn't cry during this blog write. In the words of Michael Card..."There is a joy in the journey. There's a light we can love on the way. There is a wonder and wildness to life, and freedom for those who obey." Here is to finding that joy!

до свидания.

The Reality of Relationships

2011-07-17T02:45:00.001-07:00

My time in Korea has come to an end. Tomorrow night I will return to Moscow for 3 days to collect my stuff, say more goodbyes, and then head Stateside on Friday.

To say that my time here was amazing, just doesn't quite seem

to do it. I had a fantastic time teaching and getting to know some new kids. I even learned a thing to two about the SAT. I also did a fair amount of sightseeing -- went to Seoul 4 times, did a little touring in Suwon, and went to the North/South Korean border. I ate so much good food, I am sure that I gained some weight. But all of these things pale in comparison to what brought me the most joy here. I have been teaching for 13 years now, and that means that I have taught a lot of students and built many strong friendships with them. Over the past month, I was able to reconnect with many of these students, and I was reminded of how valuable my friendships and relationships really are to me. Life would not exist without these relationships. I can't imagine how people live their lives without strong friendships and community. I remember being in middle school and having no real friendships -- I think that is why they are so important to me now.

As I look back over my life, I realize that there have been relationships that I have let slip away. There have been times I have made mistakes in my relationships, causing others to be hurt by my actions or my words. Obviously if I could go back in time and restore those relationships or make more effort to stay in touch, I would do so. But I can't, so I must move on and make sure to cultivate more deliberately the relationships I have right now. It was so awesome for me this month to see students again, some of them whom I consider to be good friends. I loved the fact that I could talk with them about where they are in their lives, what God is doing, and where they are headed; that we have could have serious talks and laugh our heads off about the old days as well. Some of them I may not see again for a few years, but I know that our friendship will still be there the next time we meet.

I have said this numerous times, but I want to say it once more -- I never imagined that my life would be as blessed as it right now, for the simple reason that I have people in my life that care about me and have shown me love. Especially when it comes to the students I have taught, I would not trade the world for the time I have spent with them. Some of you may have heard this saying: "In a hundred years it won't matter what my bank account was or what kind of car i drove or house I had; what will matter was that I was important in the life of a child." Thank you God, for the chances I have had to influence children's lives, and thank you to all of you who have made a difference in mine.

Reboot in Korea -- Part 2

2011-06-11T04:40:00.000-07:00

Day 2 in Suwon was pretty busy. I had a meeting with the other teachers and school director, Joseph Kim, for about an hour and a half. Then an American family took my fellow teacher and I to the local "Walmart." We grabbed some basic food necessities, and then enjoyed a great lunch in the Korea food court. I had bulgogi -- meet mixed with rice and wrapped in lettuce -- and kimchi. We came back to the apartment after lunch and i fell asleep on the couch. With a combination of jet lag and that amazing lunch, can ya blame me? We were then picked up about 2:30 and taken to a Korean cultural village. I really enjoyed walking around and seeing lots of old houses as well as some great dancing and a very old tightrope walker.

The day ended with a great supper -- bibimbop. This is one of my new favorite Korean dishes. It's is vegetables mixed with rice and chili sauce. Sometimes there is an egg added, but the veggies and rice are so hot (temperature) the egg cooks right away. All in all, I would say that the first couple days here have been great. Tomorrow is church and then a free afternoon, and Monday we will begin teaching. Please pray that the teaching goes well -- SAT prep is not something I have done before, but I think it will be fun.

I will load more pics onto facebook and my picasa site (https://picasaweb.google.com/philbrande)

Until next time...Peace, love & kimbap...

Reboot in Korea -- Part 1.

2011-06-11T04:14:00.000-07:00

So, I know I have not updated my blog in quite a while, and there really isn't much exuse -- i have only been teaching middle school, traveling all over the world, finishing my time in Russia, packing up my classroom and apartment, and saying lots and lots of goodbyes. Well, now that I am in Korea for a month, i might as well get this thing back on track. I mean, i'm not sure there would be a better time or place to do so. So, here we go again...

I left Moscow Thursday evening (June 9) after having said goodbye to my apartment and my roommates. It was pretty surreal walking out of my apartment (where i have lived for 10 yrs) for the last time. I flew from Moscow to Dubai, waited in the Dubai airport for about 3 hrs, and then flew to Seoul. The flight left at 3:30 am and the plane was massive! I don't think I have ever flown on a plane that large. The plane was a double-decker, and I think there were between 90-100 rows on both decks combined. Technology is an amazing thing. If we stopped to think about how we can do lots of things in the world that we really shouldn't be able to do (like get a plane that big to stay in the air), I think we would be rather shocked.

Anyway, I was able to get some sleep on that flight, so I was thankful for that. I got into Seoul about 4:30, but by the time I got through passport and customs, and collected my bag -- the baggage carousel broke down just as I got into the luggage area but thankfully, my bag had already come out -- and got to the school in SuWon, it was about 7:00. I was given a good meal for supper and forced myself to stay awake until 9:30. I slept well until 3:30 - gotta love that jet lag. I fell asleep again at 5:30 and was woken up once more my my alarm at 7:00.

Day 2 and pictures in Part 2...

Uganda 2010

2010-04-11T21:28:00.000-07:00

Doorways to Adventure

2009-07-28T02:02:00.000-07:00

Recently I have begun taking pictures of doors -- to some of you it might sound odd, but over the past year or so I have become fascinated with them. Not just any random door, mind you, but doors that stand out as unique or different or even beautiful. This fascination started last year whenI went to Israel. It continued on my return trip in April, and then became even more of an interest on my trip across Russia (I'll get to that momentarily).Doors are entryways -- into rooms or houses or buildings, but in our lives we have many doorways presented to us, what I think of as doorways to a life of adventure. Life should absolutely be lived for the adventure that it holds. I'm not just talking about bungee jumping or training across Asia. I recently came across a quote by Helen Keller: "Life is either a great adventure or nothing." I like that a lot. How often are we presented with amazing opportunities to follow God in the adventure He has prepared for us? I don't think we should live a boring life just sitting around doing nothing all the time. We need to walk through the open doors even if we aren't sure exactly what is on the other side. We need to take advantage of ministry opportunities and the chances God gives us to invest our lives in others. What doorways has God presented to you recently? Are you living the adventure that He has offered?

I can say with all honesty, that my life is not boring at all. I live in a huge city in Europe with 14 million other people. I spend every day with the most awesome middle schoolers in the world. Anyone who has taught middle school will tell you that life with them cannot be dull. I have traveled all over the world and seen amazing, indescribable beauty. I can hardly express how blessed I feel. 13 years ago, God opened a door for me to come to Russia. It was a scary yet exciting door that I walked through, and my life has never been the same. I don't know what doors God has for me this coming year, but I am excited about the possibilities.

I officially go back to work on August 12th and school starts on August 18th. The adventure continues...I will have 21 6th graders! It has been a long time since I have had a class that big. I am not worried or anxious. I feel more like I am getting ready to get on a roller coaster -- you know that nervous excitement about what's coming. I will also have 15 7th graders and 16 8th graders. I will be teaching the same classes this year with one addition. Two of our teachers -- Shane and Katie Lehman -- will be in the States until January, so I will be stepping in and teaching 6th grade Bible first semester. I taught the class a few years ago, before I went on furlough, so it shouldn't be too difficult.

Most of this summer I spent here in Moscow, enjoying the cooler weather and trying to improve my Russian (not sure how much progress I have made there). I also have been doing a little bit of tutoring and a lot of writing -- I finally finished my second book! Now begins the editing process, as well as starting a new writing project. And, of course, I have been hanging out with a few kids that are also here this summer. Overall it has been an enjoyable and relaxing summer.

Of course the biggest adventure of the summer was my trip across Russia. I have put many pictures on facebook as well as my picasa site: http://www.facebook.com/philbrande, http://picasaweb.google.com/philbrande

Let me tell you about it:

“My Journey Across Russia”

On June 3, 2009, four of my friends and I began an amazing journey. We flew from Moscow to Vladivostok – the easternmost city in Russia. My first impressions of Vladivostok were not good ones. The city was dirty, and the weather was awful. It was rainy and windy and cold. We spent one night in a small hostel that was adequate – the beds were not very comfortable, but we were all tired and suffering from jet lag, so we slept well. The next day we spent walking around the city. The city is a port city so there are many ships and the city itself is very industrial. We walked along the water for a while and then went up to the top of the city where we could look out over everything. It was peaceful but so very cold! And in one sense that is how I will remember the city – cold both in the weather and in the feel of life there.

That night we got on a train and went about 16 hours to the city of Khabarovsk. What a difference from Vladivostok! Everything about the city seemed cleaner and fresher. We arrived early in the morning and found our hotel. That also was quite different from where we had stayed in Vladivostok. The beds were so comfortable! And the showers were hot. We spent two days and two nights in Khabarovsk. The first day we walked down to the river. The sun was shining and the air was cool and pleasant. We got on a boat and went up the river for a while. We were all so tired from jet lag that we fell asleep on the boat. After that we walked back into the city and looked for a place to eat lunch – the blini restaurant seemed like the best choice. Then we walked further until we saw the large memorials to those who died in the wars. The second day we took our luggage to the train station and left it there. Then we walked through a park that took us almost from one end of the city to the other. It was a beautiful day, but the pukh was thick in the air. We also walked through a typical Russian renok which had its own section just for selling pets.

We boarded the train that evening for the longest part of our journey – a 52 hour trip to Ulan-Ude. The hardest part of that for me was that the trains were hot and we could not open the windows. I did not sleep well those two nights. While on the train we slept, we ate, we read, we played cards, we journaled, and we talked to the soldiers. Many of the soldiers on our wagon had never met Americans before, so we were like celebrities to them. When we reached Ulan-Ude we were ready to get off the train. Two men met us at the train station and took us to our hostel which was located in a village outside the city.

The hostel was a dacha used specifically to house guests. It was so interesting to see life in the village. There were cows wandering around outside our front door! The hostel was not so comfortable as the beds were very hard and the shower was sometimes out of hot water, but it was better than being on the train.

The next day we went to a Datsan – a Buddhist temple. Ulan-Ude is the center of the Buddhist religion for Russia. The temples were colorful and it was interesting but sad to see people lost in a false religion, and even some people not knowing what they truly believe. We saw one lady in the Buddhist temple cross herself (as Orthodox do) as she was leaving. That afternoon we went into the city itself and walked down to the main part of town. There was a street just for pedestrians and tourists (Much like Arbat in Moscow). There was also a beautiful Orthodox cathedral under renovation. We had supper in a Mongolian/Russian restaurant. The soup and the chebureki (fried pastries w meat in them) were quite tasty.

The second day in Ulan-Ude we went to the Ethnographic Museum. This was an outdoor museum with many houses built as they would have been hundreds of years ago. Some of them we could go in and view how the people lived – it was much like living on the frontier in the old West in America. There was a small zoo there that was sad to see. The animals were not taken care of well – they were dirty and mangy and not well fed.

The next morning, our driver took us to the train station. We left our bags there and walked back into town for a few hours. Then we got on our third train going to Irkutsk. Irkutsk was definitely my favorite city of all the places that we visited. We stayed in a Russian flat that was being used as a hostel, so there were a lot of people coming and going. Irkutsk was so beautiful! It was clean and friendly and the weather was excellent. There were so many old houses and buildings mixed in with the modern city. Many of these houses had painted doors or shutters that made them stand out to me.

The first day we walked around the city. We walked down to the river and then we found a large group of people celebrating the Day of Russia. We ate shashleek and listened to the music. The next day we got up early and took a bus to Lake Baikal. It is hard to put into words the beauty of that lake. We walked about 8 km up and down the lake. We then took a boat ride for an hour. It was so peaceful and relaxing, and I was reminded of what an incredible Creator God is.

After our boat ride, we swam in Lake Baikal, though it was a very short swim – less than a minute. The water was so cold that we were not able to do more than submerge ourselves and quickly get out again.

The third day in Irkutsk was spent walking around the city, again. Sunday afternoon we walked back down to the water and sat in the park listening to a small orchestra and watching people dance by the river. Then we got on another train and went to Krasnoyarsk.

It was raining when we arrived in Krasnoyarsk and it took us a while to find our way to the hotel. The hotel there was very Soviet in style – old rooms, toilets at the end of the hall, and showers in the basement. We then found out that the hotel itself was actually a “pay by the hour” hotel, often used for prostitutes. We were quite surprised at this, but we settled in for one night. It turned out to be a fairly comfortable hotel. The first night we ate in a Ukrainian restaurant and then played cards in our rooms.

The next day we walked around the city which was fairly beautiful. We hoped to get on a boat that would take us to the big dam that the city is known for; however we found out that those boats only run on weekends and this was Tuesday. So we walked some more. We took a tour of a boat that had been built by the last Emperor of Russia for his son. Later it was used to take Lenin into exile. After our walk around the city we went back to the hotel, took showers, gathered our luggage and checked out. We found an Internet cafe and then an amazing coffee house where we hung out for a few hours to stay out of the rain and kill time until our next train.

Train number five took us to the city of Yekaterinburg. We got there around 5:30 am. We wandered around looking for our bus. We found it and rode into the city. About 7:00 am we called the people that were going to house us for two days. The husband and wife were so kind to let five of us stay in their apartment for two nights. We showered and then began our usual walk around the city. We went to a church that was built on the site where the Romanov family was killed. After our tour of the city we went back to the apartment and cooked dinner for our hosts. That evening we went to another fun coffee house while the wife led a woman's Bible study in their home. We went to the top of one of the tallest buildings in the city and were able to see the entire city as well as the Ural Mountains in the distance. The second day in Yekaterinburg we hired a taxi. First he took us to the place where the remains of the Romanov Family were found. We hired a young seminary student to give us a tour. It was very interesting to learn about the history of where we were.

After that our taxi driver took us to the Europe Asia border and we were able to stand on two continents at one time. That evening we had dinner with friends of mine from college who are now missionaries in Yekaterinburg.

Early the next morning we got on our last train and rode 26 hours back to Moscow.

This trip was one that I will never forget. I can say now that I have truly seen Russia. The landscape is breathtaking, and the people are amazing. I am so thankful that I took this opportunity. I am not sure that I would do it again, but I would recommend it to anyone who has an adventurous spirit and who does not mind spending a lot of time on trains. In the future I would like to return to Irkutsk and definitely spend more time at Lake Baikal – that was the highlight of the trip for me.

We spent 18 days traveling, visited 6 cities, rode on 5 trains for a total of 6 ½ days, and saw the incredible beauty of the world's largest country.

A Desperately Needed Update

2008-11-27T03:37:00.000-08:00

I had hoped when I started this blog that I would be more frequent in updating it than my last website. Well, so much for that thought. It has been almost 3 months, so there is a lot that has happened. Time, it seems, has slipped away once again. Time does that a lot, actually -- more often than I would like.

Considering that we are almost halfway done with this school year, let me summarize the past few months. I am still teaching the same classes -- 6-8 English and 6 history. I have 14 6th graders, 15 7th graders, and 14 8th graders. The school year started off well, in spite of some anxieties about how this year would go. It always takes a little while to get the 6th graders used to the ways of middle school and "Mr. Brande's classes." Some of them may be trying to figure everything out for a while.

September flew by with beautiful weather and led into October, which began with our middle school retreat. A fun time was had by all even though it took 4 hrs to get to the retreat center. 4 hours on a bus with middle schoolers is not something I would recommend if you're just looking to have a good time; but the kids did really well with it, over all. Here are a few pics from that. To see more, go to http://picasaweb.google.com/philbrande/MSRetreat#

Most years, I also attend the high school retreat, but this year I chose not to, knowing how much energy it would require. I am currently studying Russian once a week and working on our spring play, so my plate is pretty full.

As November started, there was a weight hanging heavy on my heart. I have been in Russia quite a while, and God has blessed me immeasurably through the students here. He has given me numerous opportunities over the year to invest my life in them; and over the years, there are some that I have bonded with on a much deeper level.

Kian is one of those students. His family are missionaries from Australia with the Salvation Army. They have been in Moscow about 6 yrs, and even though I have only had Kian in my class for a year and a half, it is a special relationship. November 19th was Kian's and his sister's last day at Hinkson, and it was, without a doubt, the most difficult goodbye I have had to say since I have been here. The reason for this was because I am also fairly close with his 3 best friends -- Artyom, Matt, and Drew. To see how difficult it was for them to say goodbye to him, made it doubly hard for me. God has allowed me to be here for them as they have had to work through this difficult time. I am so thankful that God has brought me here for these kids! There have been days when I have doubted my calling here, but -- as hard as that day was, it was not one of them. God confirmed to me once again that I am in the right place at the right time.
Please pray for me and for these boys that God will continue to comfort them. We are also blessed in the technology that we have -- 15/20 yrs ago this situation would have been far more difficult without the internet.

I am also thankful for the friends that God has given me here that have allowed me to cry on their shoulder and pray with me through this. As Christians, we must lean on each other and sometimes carry each other through the rough patches of life.

The other thing that I was reminded of, through all of this, is that our God never changes or leaves. How encouraging that is! He is always there for us, and He understands our every hurt and every need, and His grace is sufficient always. Someday we will not have to say goodbye to those we love, but until that day, we must continue to rest in our God and in His faitfulness.

The following is a poem that I wrote the week before Kian left:

"The Mark"

Christ came into this world for us

He came for death and life.

He spared no cost to save us.

He gave us everything

And He left His mark on us.

The world did not accept Him.

They turned their backs on Him.

They heard the words and saw the truth.

They chose to believe the lies,

And they left their marks on Him.

God's love compels us now

To show that same selfless love

To the world that rejected Him,

To the same world that marked Him with nail and spear,

And to leave His mark through us.

My life is one of time and toil,

Of training those who are young.

My life is one of daily words and wisdom

Seeking to touch with my heart and my hands,

And desiring to mark those who come my way.

The marks that I leave are subtle for some

And obvious for others.

I know that some marks leave smiles

And sadly, some leave tears,

But they are marked, nonetheless.

And then it must be noted

That I too am marked by them.

God brings our paths together

And then divides the road again,

And many leave their marks on me.

The mark that I am left with

When that road divides,

Is a mark of blessing

That cannot be described.

It is a mark on my soul forever.

I am changed for knowing them

And though my heart may ache,

I know the chord that binds us

Is one that will not break.

We have the same mark.

God writes on our hearts

With indelible ink

A permanent stain of love,

And wherever we are, where e're we may go,

That mark is His mark.

A glimpse of this past year

2008-08-26T06:22:00.000-07:00

This is a video that I put together recently of pictures from this past year. I used the song "Amazed" by Jared Anderson because it was my theme song for the year. There were very few times this past year when I was not amazed by what God was doing in my life and in the lives of my students.

Random thoughts on time...

2008-08-16T03:31:00.000-07:00

I am thoroughly convinced that the older we get, the faster time escapes us. When we are little, it seems that certain events -- Christmas, birthdays, summers, etc... -- will never come. We wait with expectant and excited hearts for the times such as these. As adults, we also wait expectantly but when these times come, they seem to go just as quickly. As a teacher, summers are looked forward to, perhaps more than any other time. Then before we know it, the time has come to start a new school year and the whole process begins again.
This summer was one of the most relaxing and enjoyable that I have had in a very long time! In addition to enjoying the coolness of the weather, I felt no pressure to cram as much as I could into the month and a half that I would have, had I been in the States. And yet, I had a very specific schedule so I was not bored nor lethargic. As I said in my previous post, I worked on my Russian language -- very small steps to learning, and I tutored English. I told people that I had English lessons twice a week and that my English was improving. I am actually intending to continue studying Russian once a week after school starts.
As far as my writing -- well...I didn't accomplish as much as I would have liked, but I did make some definite progress. I will continue to work on that as I have time.
School begins on Aug 20th...thus my thoughts on time. It seems that this summer has flown by. I think I am ready to start school, but there is still a part of me that wants the enjoyable summer to continue. Perhaps it is the child in me that still wants to enjoy my play time. I have heard it said that you can take the boy out of jr high, but you can never take the jr high out of the boy. I struggle often with keeping the balance between my need to be an adult but my desire to hold onto my childhood. Part of me knows that I need to grow up, but the other part of me resists with everything I have. I always find it fascinating that, in Scripture, Jesus told us that we need to come as a child to Him, that our faith must be childlike. I wrote a poem a while back on this struggle of finding that childhood faith:

"To Be a Child Again"

A Child weeps in his mother's arms
And she comforts him.
I fall like a child and do not weep -- Why?
Where is the brokenness that I should have?
It is swallowed up by pride.
To be a child again...

The young have it easy, so we say --
No jobs to work, no bills to pay.
The joy of life consumes them.
To be a child again...

The ability to play with abandon
To see the richest colors and the brightest stars,
To live without this life's demands.
To be a child again...

The young have innocence and awe,
The ability to be amazed by everything.
To have that endless energy,
Pure and raw.
To be a child again...

To fall and feel the pain for the first time,
To cry unashamed and free,
And then wipe away those tears and live anew.
To be a child again...

The young have it easy, so we say --
They know they are forgiven and loved.
Lord, show me the way
To be a child again.

Please be praying for me as I begin this new year that I will find that balance and that I will make the most of that precious time that I have been given. I was reminded this summer how much of a gift each breath, each moment, and each day truly are. At the end of July, the mother of two of our high school seniors passed away very suddenly. It was a shock to the entire community. Teri Tarleton was 49 years old. She and her family have been in Russia almost 15 yrs and have touched so many lives. Please pray for this family as you remember. And remember that each day is a gift, so use the time -- whether it passes slowly or quickly -- for the things that matter.

I had the opportunity this summer to get out of the city twice and visit a couple of monestaries. I have posted full sets of these pictures at http://picasaweb.google.com/philbrande Here are a few of them:

Until next time...

A Different Type of Summer

2008-06-24T09:28:00.000-07:00

Many people have asked my why I spend my summers in Florida and winters in Moscow. Well, this year I have taken that advice to heart and am in Moscow for the summer, with plans to be in Florida for Christmas.
When I first began thinking about spending my summer in Moscow, instead of in Florida, I was not sure what to expect. I have spent portions of my summers here, but never the whole summer. I knew that my main reason for staying here would be to study Russian, so I was a little apprehensive about the idea. However, as God began showing me clearly that He wanted me here, I became less apprehensive and more excited. God provided a Russian tutor for me -- I had someone specific in mind but had not asked. One Sunday, on the way to church, I saw the father of my 6th grade Russian student. This was the man I was considering asking. He asked me what my summer plans were, and I told him that I was considering staying here to study Russian. His response was, "I could help you with that, if you would like." It was a confirmation from God. Then I began wondering how I would pay for the lessons. Another Russian friend called me and asked me if I would be willing to tutor her husband in English. They are wanting to immigrate out of Russia, and he needs to be able to pass a proficiency test to do so. Not long after that, I was asked to tutor a new student coming to Hinkson next year. Not only has God provided money to pay for Russian lessons, He has also added a little bit of extra for the summer, and He has provided so that I will be able to stay busy.
School ended the 30th of May -- as always it brings with it joy and mixed sadness at seeing so many students leaving. I had a week to rest and work at school, and then I started my lessons -- both teaching and studying. Studying Russian has been and will continue to be a stretch for me. So far, a lot of it has been review, but I know it will get harder.
There are a few kids spending their summer in Moscow, so I have also been able to hang out with them and continue to build those relationships. I have been working on my writing as well. Many of you know that I am working on book 2 of the "Minar Chronicles" (such is the name at present). I hope to finish book 2 (A Lifetime of Favor) this summer, but I have also been inspired to start book 3 (Restoration of Joy). I will keep you posted on their progress.
So far, I am thoroughly enjoying being here for the summer. It seems more relaxing for some reason than when I am in the States. It is also much cooler! The average temps have been in the high 70's/low 80's -- beats Florida humidity any day of the week.

My awesome 6th grade class on the last day of school

These are some of the graduating students that I taught when they
were in middle school -- Nathanael, Tim, DongKeun, and Meri.
I am very proud of them.

The staff and faculty at graduation

Two of my closest friends (and traveling buddies)
here in Moscow -- Luke and Christiana, also
known as "Shavs" and "That" (If you want the details of
that story, ask me)

Spring in Moscow

2008-05-10T02:30:00.000-07:00

Spring has always been my favorite season. I grew up never really experiencing true winter and summer was always miserably hot in Florida, so I naturally loved the spring. When I moved to Moscow, I learned to appreciate it even more. The winters here are cold and dark, and so when spring begins it is the realization that we have made it through another winter. I especially like the fact that the days are longer and the sun shines more. When I leave for school, the sun is usually well on its daily path across the sky. The mornings are cool but I know that by the end of the day, it will be much warmer. I don't need my coat anymore, and the light and warmth give energy to me and to my students -- which could be good or bad. Right now, the sun does not set until around 10:00, but that too will change. Summer days here last until almost midnight.
A lot has happened in the past few months. So I will give you one or two highlights from each month. February has always been the hardest month of the year for me here in Moscow. This year, however, I was able to get out of the city for a few days. I traveled with four other teachers to the cities of Vladimir and Suzdel -- about 3 hrs by train. Even though the temperature was about -20, we had a great time with each other, seeing the city and laughing until our sides ached. Here are a few pictures from that trip -- the first four were taken in Suzdel and the rest in Vladimir:

I also spent a very quick 4 days in New Jersey attending the wedding of Hans and Sara Lee -- Hans was in my first 6th grade class here in Moscow. It was a beautiful wedding and I was glad that I was able to be there for them. It is a little scary, though, seeing my students getting married before I do :)

I can only describe the month of March as insane. I was co-directing our high school play -- "Don't Drink the Water" by Woody Allen. The performance was the one of the best that we have done in a long time. I find that directing the play is usually a stress reliever and a stress maker for me. I enjoy doing it but am glad when it is over.

The 4 directors (2 were student directors) -- I was in the cast this year in case you are wondering why i have make-up and white hair.

By far, the highlight of this semester and even this school year was my spring break trip to Israel. I have always dreamed of being able to visit Jerusalem, and in April, God allowed that dream to come true. It is hard to describe the week in words -- it was so incredible! We saw so much -- places that I have only read about. Now I can read the Gospels with a new perspective, as I can see these places. Instead of posting one hundred some pictures here, I have posted them on another site and will give you the link: http://picasaweb.google.com/philbrande
Now as spring begins to move toward summer, I continue to be amazed as I see beauty in this city that I have not seen before. I am also amazed as God continually gives me opportunity for ministry here -- often when I am not looking for it. I am blessed beyond words to be here in Moscow. I pray that this spring will find you blessed as well. May you enjoy the beauty of the world around you and of God's love.
I will leave you with a few pictures of my students from our field trip to a puppet theater and from the 6th and 7th grade chapel:

Ups and Downs pt. 1

2008-02-18T04:13:00.001-08:00

A couple of weeks ago, I took my 6th graders sledding after school -- we had a blast! Earlier in the week, we received a nice covering of snow, but then the temperatures rose and everything began to melt. Fortunately there was still enough snow to sled, but the ground was quite wet and there were some decent sized puddles at the bottom of the hill. By the time we finished, most of the kids were soaked. One of the boys was so wet that it was pointless for him to wear his coat back to school, so i let him wear mine. I can only imagine what people must have been thinking as they watched me walk down the street in a short sleeved shirt and a scarf.
We then went back to school for hot chocolate and cookies and a movie ("The Princess Bride"). I enjoy hanging out w my students so much. I know that many people say they could never teach middle school students, but I am not sure I would ever want to teach any other age. God gives us the gifts and talents and then places us in just the right spots to use them.
I was thinking about sledding in relation to life. There are many big hills that we face -- I have had many of them recently. We start out at the top feeling great about life and where we are headed, but then we start down the hill, increasing speed as we go and wondering if we are going to make it to the bottom in one piece. Sometimes we get hit in the face with snowballs (one of my students did hit me in the face as i was sledding down), and sometimes we get our feet knocked out from under us when we aren't looking (another student came down the hill when i wasn't looking and knocked me flat on my back). The question that remains then is this: what happens next? Do we choose to stand up and keep moving forward or remain on the ground and feel sorry for ourselves? We know, of course, that God will give us the strength to stand again, and it's much easier to face these situations when we have each other to help and encourage. I have been experiencing some of these downhill experiences recently mainly related to the stress of living here in Moscow. For a while we thought we were going to have to move due to rent increase, but we are able to stay in our apt for the time being. Also, teaching, in general, has its stresses. Sometimes I feel like I don't have the strength to keep moving, and other days, I am flying with all the energy of the wind.
Here are some pics and a video of our sledding party:

Christmas Eve -- my first post

2007-12-24T13:11:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking a lot about changing my website to make it easier on myself. It is Christmas Eve and I find myself at home contemplating Christmas and life. Here in Moscow, it's technically not Christmas as Russians celebrate Christmas on Jan 7, so it doesn't really feel like Christmas. I spent some time in prayer tonight and was reminded that it doesn't really matter what Christmas is supposed to "feel like" -- the message is still the same. We celebrate it as the birthday of our Savior. In the States we say that it "feels like" Christmas because of all the effort that we put into preparing and decorating. I have one little tree in my room that took me all of 10 minutes to decorate. But does it really matter? In my soul I celebrate the fact that Jesus was born into this world as a human, and in so doing changed the destiny of mankind forever. There were not Christmas trees or decorations or lights or tinsel in the stable that night. I am sure that Mary and Joseph were only focused on their new child -- that truly was the important thing.
It is strange not to be around people tonight -- I did go out to lunch today with one of my students and then to dinner with one of my Russian friends. But this evening I have spent talking to some friends in the States, updating my various websites, and getting on my face to thank God for His glorious gift. Tomorrow I will send the day with a family from school. Christmas is not about "feeling", it is about fact -- the fact that our Savior was born for us, the Prince of Peace, Emmanuel "God with us."

Here are some pics of my 6th graders this past month -- some were taken on the playground and some at our Christmas party:

My wonderful 6th grade class!

We had a "snow person" decorating contest.

Kian, Artyom, Matt, and myself

Grace, Rachel, Jin, Joy, and Alison

Eun Chong

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!